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I am winning the war…

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I have been going through a terrible bout of diverticulitis. I have had it before, so I know the drill. I go on the antibiotics and than I have to stop 2 of my Lyme drugs as they intersect with the antibiotic. Well the struggle was real this past week. You see I get withdrawal from my regular Lyme drugs in having to stop them so quickly. The struggle is real, the pain is real, the frustration is never ending for me. There is so many things I want to do but cannot. I lie in bed waiting for this too shall pass. As I lie there I think about the countless years I had to lie in bed with no ability to do anything …so I am grateful for what I can do today. I was diagnosed almost 7 years ago now. It felt like a war I was fighting, the struggle to stay alive, to be able to walk again, to just have some semblance of my life back. I fought the battle and I am living proof today that you can win. Did I win my life back to what it was…no…but I am grateful I can have some semblance of a life. I was lucky I had a very supportive partner who was with me every step of the way. The pic lines that went in, and then would got blocked and back to the hospital for another one in. The ambulances that would arrive at the farm to once again take me to the hospital. They never knew what to do with me, as there is no treatment for Lyme disease in Canada, but they always did their best. My treatment started in the US, and ultimately needed up 5 weeks in Germany. Germany was the first Lyme literate hospital I have ever been in. I think it helped me a lot. But the struggle continues during a time like now. When is going to be the day I feel well enough to resume some activity, so simply enjoy my gardens or go for a walk. I have to think back to the times I was in bed, unable to function at all to today where I can function at about 70 percent of my previous life as I knew it. This was a blessing in disguise as I probably did too much, was focused on the wrong things, and was not grateful for what I did have. People look at us, we look okay, we seem to function okay…but no one understand the struggle at times just to be able to get out of bed and start the day. The never ending pain. It is a disease I wish I did not have, however I have to deal with what is. I hear the birds singing louder than I did before, I do not take my days for granted and I appreciate being in the moment wherever that maybe. Chronic Lyme disease is a horrible disease, that can rob and suck the life right out of you. But I am not going to let that happen. I will get thru this next dip in the curve and come out the other side… I always had hope…..

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